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Ken Wilber's Statement on Marc Gafni -- What do you think?

Posted January 6th, 2012 by Joe Perez in Ethics

Hello Integral Life Community,

I am very curious to learn if you have read the recent statement by Ken Wilber on his personal blog regarding the much-discussed "Marc Gafni controversy"? If so, what did you think of it?

Here is the full statement in case you missed it:

Ken Wilber Statement on Marc Gafni and the Center for World Spirituality December 27, 2011 16:38

The board of directors of the Center for World Spirituality recently made a public statement, conveying their support for Marc Gafni as a leader and teacher in the Center.

Earlier, in a post on the Integral Life website, I have commented on the situation that developed several months ago in the blogosphere.

I acknowledged in that post that Marc, like most great spiritual teachers and pundits, has great gifts as well as human complexity. I pointed out that everyone must make up their own mind as to whether they want to work with Marc, or to be his student.

I am writing to share that, for myself, I have made up my mind. I am rejoining the Wisdom Council of the Center for World Spirituality, to which I invited many of my colleagues to participate.

I look forward to future work with Marc in articulating and evolving the contours of a World Spirituality based on Integral Principles.

Some of my reasons for wanting to work with Marc are contained in letters I co-wrote with Sally Kempton in 2008. However, there is one piece I want to add. I am not working with Marc despite this last blogosphere explosion but rather because of his reaction to it.

What impressed me most about Marc’s response to this situation is that though he might well have felt justified in feeling angry or hurt about what happened, by and large he focused on asking for all feedback from every possible source on why this happened. He wanted to know, at a deeper level, how he might have contributed to it himself, and what he could do to help remedy the situation and any part he might have played in this. Most astonishingly, for a spiritual teacher, he included in this list—in order to make it truly comprehensive—a search for a great therapist that he might see. He made a serious and widespread search for a therapist, and finally found an incredibly competent and highly respected one—and signed up.

This was not because he necessarily needed therapy, but simply that he told himself he was going to cover every base and make a truly comprehensive and inclusive search for any approach that might help address the situation. He was, in other words, doing whatever necessary to cover any shadow elements, should they be present. I know of extremely few spiritual teachers that would do this—that would be committed enough to their own integrity to include all possible angles, and then genuinely follow through on it. This, to me, is an indication of a genuine spiritual teacher, one dedicated to working on himself no matter how “embarrassing” it might appear to others. On this issue, even his critics will have few if any grounds for complaint at this point. Even they have acknowledged that he is, in many ways, a very gifted spiritual teacher, and this recent move simply makes him an even more gifted teacher, in my opinion.

Speaking personally, I feel that any shadow issues that Marc, (like most spiritual teachers), might have are now being actively and genuinely addressed. I repeat that I know very few spiritual teachers who have the guts to do this, and my hat, for one, is off to the gentleman.

This move also gives me confidence that Marc can and will continue to make a good spiritual leader for the Center for World Spirituality. Every spiritual teacher, in my opinion, should be doing some sort of shadow work, but Marc is one of the very few whom I know that is actually doing it. This is indeed, in my book at least, very impressive.

So, I hope everybody out there can join me in wishing Marc the very best in this sincere inner work—or, at the least, congratulate him for being determined and integral enough to decide to cover all the bases and then actually do so. In many spiritual traditions, forgiveness is a path to God, and I know Marc has worked hard to forgive any insults—real or imagined—that he recently received, and perhaps it is appropriate for others also to work to forgive any insults—real or imagined—received from Marc. In this atmosphere of loving-kindness, care, and forgiveness, we can all get back to this incredibly important work of Integral Spirituality.

Ken Wilber
Winter 2011

I've written my own reply to Ken's statementon my own blog, which is available for anyone to read if they're interested.

It is my belief that the issues raised by the controversy are crucial in the ongoing discussion of integral ethics as well as the future of the entire Integral movement. As you may know, Diane Hamilton has said of Marc Gafni that "There are probably only one or two other people in the Integral world whose contributions are as significant." What happens now in terms of the future of World Spirituality is very much at a crossroads.

What do you think?

Joe Perez is a writing professional, blogger, and Seattle-based author of the breakthrough book Soulfully Gay (Integral Books/Shambhala, 2007) which is the first published spiritual memoir in the Integral Spirituality tradition other than Ken Wilber's own semi-autobiographical writings. He is an Honors graduate of Harvard University and has studied at in the Generating Transformative Change program at Pacific Integral and The Divinity School at The University of Chicago. 

 

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Deep Appreciation

Posted January 6th, 2012 by Anita Boyd

I deeply appreciate Ken Wilber's comments, and know from my own work with Rabbi Marc, that his teaching is a vital link in an integral world view. He has a special capacity to bring what is currently deeply felt into his teaching, so I know we will all have an opportunity to examine our own sexuality, radiance and dark holes, in the coming years of his ever-developing teaching.

Anita Boyd-Johnson

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The Gaf Hook

Posted January 6th, 2012 by Layman Pascal

Hello Joe Perez Community,

I have indeed read the statement in question.  My emotional take is that I don't care much - just as I didn't care much about the whole "scandal" bit.  I appreciate Marc's work without being particularly drawn to it; I appreciate that the occasional weird vibe he puts out could be creepiness or just individuality; I appreciate the need for tidy ethical resolutions in order to give social institutions the polish they deserve but at the same time I have no evidence of horrendous crimes and I am well aware that emotional-sexual-political messiness is a pretty normal part of social affairs and shouldn't cause us to overemphasize the importance of a particular situation.

It's easy to make fun of the Wilbersaurus giving the Gafni a "clean bill of health".  Maybe too easy.  On the other hand Ken's comments are usually sincere, nuanced & aimed for some vaguely political effect.  The usefulness of Marc to Integral Culture and to his friends may benefit from public endorsement of this type.  So I commend the practicality as well as the value in demonstrating that higher-level institutions can seemingly resolve knotted issues in a multi-dimensional fashion.  There is a slight sense that they are perhaps too eager to prove this... but c'est la vie.  

Like I said, this issue never struck me as critical -- but I'm glad people are trying to creatively address different aspects of it using the evaluative tools we have at our disposal.

 


Thanks, I've been...

Layman Pascal

 

(to receive other "Weekly Harangues" write to: pretendtomeditate@gmail.com)

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Hello Joe

Posted January 6th, 2012 by Stanley

 

I only half jokingly entered the post below and then pulled it to make space for more important things. I was going to wait to repost it until after Marc got caught with his pants down again. But since you asked, and since there is always a chance that Marc might actually begin to play it upright, I will repost it below.

 

Laws of Attraction

 

Mystery, a renowned pickup player, seems to have uncovered or verified some laws of human behavior. Mystery appears to have arrived at his knowledge by years of trial and error down on the ground in the contemporary club scene.

He says that it does no good to ask a woman what attracts her to a man because she does not know. Even she can’t believe what she thinks. One way to find out is to play the game and look for her indicators of attraction.

He maintains that in this matter women have not changed much since our hunting and gathering days which were similar throughout all cultures. What a woman wants is a man who will protect and provide for her and her children. Traditionally a woman would look for the best available hunter and warrior of the tribe. Since most young women would not be able to marry the chief they needed to develop the ability to find the potential in younger men.

Nice guy or bad boy does not matter. Women tend to look for someone who is strong, courageous, and skillful. If a man is these things he can afford to be relaxed, fun, humorous, caring, and generous to all.

And oh yea. Traditionally to hedge their bets women might marry the best available hunter/warrior and have an affair with the best one. That way, either way, her kids have food and protection. I did not hear Mystery discuss what happens if she gets caught.

No doubt some women with a veneer of intellectuality might not believe what Mystery teaches and he would once again say that even women cannot believe their thoughts. (The same no doubt applies for men.) 

People have paid Mystery considerable money to coach them. He tells his clients to approach their attempts at hooking up like they are playing a video game. He tells them to ignore their emotions like those of fear because these emotions will just screw them up.

Mysteries credentials are that he has won the game with hundreds of women of beauty. He has a portfolio to prove this. These are pretty solid credentials but if he ever wanted to up his game into the major leagues he himself might consider getting coached by a true game master in the big boy league like Mr. Marc Marc.

Sorry Joe Perez. I know you want to play wing man for Mr. Marc. This post just kind of slipped out and anyway enquiring little minds want to known. (End repost)

http://i279.photobucket.com/albums/kk123/dj_sicks/mystery.jpg?t=1245069768

By the way Joe, in case you were courageous enough to have read this far I wanted to let you know that I think your motives for trying to help Marc are righteous. And since this is a new year, I intent to try real hard to never mention again that messiness of possibly academic dishonesty and certain censorship that happened in bygone years. I say this sincerely.

Your Debate club post is still one of my favorites here. I keep going back to it over and over.

Have a great new year Joe. I also wish all the best for Marc and all of his numerous victims.

--

No cyber-stalking please. http://integrallife.com/member/stanley/blog/cyber-stalking

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The facts were never disclosed.

Posted January 7th, 2012 by stefano

The facts about the original situation were never disclosed, ie. who said what and when.

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Response to Joe's response to Ken's response to Marc

Posted January 8th, 2012 by Joanne Rubin

Hi, Joe,

Here are my thoughts:

Morality:  Is it always unethical for a spiritual teacher to have sex with a student (or a president with an aide, or a therapist with a patient, etc.)?  Is it always OK, never OK, or sometimes OK?  Whose moral responsibility, if the student is over 18 or 21?  Is there honesty or dishonesty involved? Is any harm being done?

Culture:  What does the cultural at large say is moral?  If Integralists don't agree, then on what basis? 

Psychology:  Individually and relationally, is sex with a student pathological, esp. in the teacher? Are we talking about lust, infatuation, love?  Is sex with a student basically a kind of incest, and is that necessarily harmful? 

I'm a hybrid psychologist (mainstream and Integrally fascinated).  I don't know Marc well at all, but I've seen him speak and have had a small bit of direct interaction with him.  I think that losing him from the Integral community is in some ways a loss, because he's one of the few people with a certain amount of cognitive genius, and who can think-feel into spiritual mysticism with both great breadth and depth.  IMO, this makes him rare.  Were he not rare, perhaps someone else with similar spiritual and cognitive sweep, also energetic and dramatic, but without bad publicity, would fall into the spotlight. 

Has there been any clear statements by Marc that he didn't do anything the least bit morally wrong or hurtful to anyone, no Earpy and insightful use of this as a teaching tool, no cultural critique of Israeli vs. American judicial systems about this, no statements of what his female partners needed to learn and are better from the relationships with him?  If there are no such statements, then secretiveness might suggest that Marc didn't believe his own behavior to be for the greater good.

The American Psychological Asso. says that sex between teacher and student is incestuous, harmful to the student, because there's an inherent power differential. Incest involves a harmful confusion of roles (e.g., father-daughter + lovers: (father can't teach dau. about sexual boundaries; father having an affair and daughter is the "other woman"; the secrecy from the outside world renders the act "bad", so daughter sees both self and father as "bad"; daughter usually doesn't want sex with father really, despite natural Oedipal feelings, now can't get needed non-sexual love by father).  

With therapist, teacher, and spiritual teacher, a student seeks something more personal and significant than say, buying an electrician's time. The student has to open more deeply, must trust, let down some personal boundaries or skepticism, to let new thoughts or feelings in. Spiritual teaching and therapy involve some deep personal involvement, and the resulting rapport often sexualizes in one, if not both, of the people.  It can be slight and ignorable, or it can be intense or mutual.  Feelings are natural, but we're responsible for what we do about them.

I'm aware of Marc sincerely asking many questions, but there are private questions to ask:  "Can I live without compliments, without admiration?  If I'm not feeling special and unique and amazing, does my self esteem crash and I feel worthless?  Do I have a fear of that? How long can I go without adulation? Can I tolerate being regular?  Am I only happy if there's intense idealization going on? Do I feel I have an 'impostor phenomenon'?  Do I move between emotional excitement and feeling dead? Do I need sex to keep my self-esteem up?"

If Marc is asking those questions, then I align myself with him and with Ken.  But those are personal questions, which Marc doesn't owe us answers to.  In my opinion, it's fairly simple for trained psychologists to see this kind of thing. I figure that Marc has done some great things.  I think that spiritual teachers need to realize there's a partial power differential, and that both they and students have to deal with Oedipal or sexual issues at times, and teachers will fall into traps if they ignore psychological knowledge about self and students.  Be it teacher or student, my indictment goes to the arrogance and lack of shadow work evidenced in too many Integralists.  Being cognitive gifted and moving into spiritual development leaves out a part of each and every person: emotional HEALTH and development.  Idealization is not realization.  

 

 

 


 

 

 

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A real challenge ahead for Gafni

Posted January 8th, 2012 by GnosisMan

I've been silent in IL for personal reasons but considering what Wilber and others have said about Gafni, I just have to say something as well. Well before Diane Hamilton expressed her concern for Gafni, I commented here in October 2010 on what Gafni said in one of his videos on his web site titled “Marc Gafni on Relationships”...
 

"To enter the realm of sacred relationships is to open myself up is to be vulnerable. To love someone is to say I love you enough to open myself up and become vulnerable and let you hurt me. That's what the love means. The deeper you love someone the more they can hurt you. That's what the lover means. The lover means, I'm willing to get hurt in this game. So you can't enter the game of love and not be willing to get hurt"


It's safe to say the most rudimentary knowledge in psychology would have grave misgivings about  Gafni’s interpretation of love. At any rate, I sincerely hope that in his ongoing determination in seeking help with a therapist, his views on love will be seen with new eyes. I admire his humility and determination in addressing his shadow as Ken said but I wonder why it took so long for Gafni to acknowledge it. I just assumed that someone like him, so well vested in his position -rubbing shoulders with the brightest minds in Integral studies- and that he dedicated his entire life in spirituality, he’d be well ahead in his spiritual, psychological, and emotional development than most of us on IL -myself included. But it was not until I read Robert Agustus Masterson’s book Spiritual Bypassing that I can see why it’s so difficult for many on the spiritual path -even teachers-in addressing their shadow side. In this respect, I hope all the best for Gafni. 

 

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Thorough post..

Posted January 10th, 2012 by Max Gatto

Nice blog.   My initial reaction to this whole Marc Gafni happening was a bit skeptical and a lot of dissatisfaction with the whole of the Integral Community.  I don't know anyone within the community enough to personally know how genuine they are.  Some impressions I've had from the few dealings with the integral community that I have had, have me realizing that there is a narcissism that is a little bit too rampant in some aspects (but definitely not all!).  I've decided to remain ambivalent and I will let the people closest to those in question decide, and I think it's favorable that this came from Ken.  I've found Marc Gafni a little much to take in some respects, but I've had to revise my own impression there because I'm a silent watcher, and find it very awkward to express or even have a need to express myself in terms of what I feel inside or know to be true (but recognize this is necessary for change- causes me a lot of distress!).  At least he can convey something better and with more expression than me, if everyone were like me the world would be very boring.